The Music of Goodfellas: or How “Hail Atlantis” Will Always Remind Me of Whacking Billy Bats

December 2nd, 2009

Donovan’s “Hail Atlantis” is a strange song in its own right.  The first part of the song is a spoken poem about the fall of the mythical city of Atlantis.  Then the song becomes a catchy ballad pining for an antediluvian love submerged way down below the ocean.  When I hear this song all I can think of is Joe Pesci and Robert DeNiro beating the life out of Billy Bats with a .38 on the floor of The Suite.

Goodfellas was the Scorsese movie that should have won the Oscar.  The frantic, disjointed, yet engaging epic is the peak of Scorsese’s cinematic vision.  Many have tried to replicate it; even borrowing small partitions of its dense scope and having it unfurl into entire movies.

Every time I stumble upon Goodfellas on TV I have to watch the entire thing.  Even TV censored Goodfellas is compelling.  I have probably seen the whole movie, front to back, ten times, but I have seen the movie from Henry’s wedding 15 times, seen it from the whacking of Billy Bats 30 times, seen it from the Lufthansa heist 40 times, and so on.  Seeing segments of this movie so many times has corrupted my recollections, and the artists intended meanings of the soundtrack’s canon of classic rock songs.

Eric Clapton features two of his classics in the movie; two staples of the 60s that will forever remind me of mob violence.  The lumbering guitar intro to Sunshine for Your Love accompanies Robert DeNiro smoking a cigarette while  murdering his associates in the Lufthansa heist with his eyes.  But Sunshine for Your Love isn’t as altered as the piano coda of Layla, a montage of smooth camera movements perfectly complimented by the rolling, seamless piano showing the bodies of all everyone involved in the Lufthansa heist from a couple’s lifeless faces frozen in freight in their new pink Cadillac to Frankie Carbone hanging in a meat truck frozen stiff.  Everytime I hear the end of Layla this is what I think about, not Pattie Boyd like I’m supposed to.  Dead mobsters.

There are even situations in my daily life that conjure Goodfellas music.  Driving to work, if I see a helicopter in the sky I start thinking about Henry Hill watching the helicopter watching him, then what pops into my head?  Magic Bus by the Who, and it’s only a portion of it; the “Iwaaaant-itIwaaaant-itIwaaaant-it” right before he nearly gets into the accident.  This goes the same if I ever hear Magic Bus on the radio, I start thinking about Henry Hill’s coked-out helicopter panic.  Magic Bus is the only song that gets a roundabout association where a helicopter goes to the movie clip as does the song.  The Rolling Stone’s Monkey Man one refers me back to the movie clip when I hear it on the radio.

Though the process has been copied throughout movies since, Goodfellas is the most prominent example of taking well-known classic music, throwing it around in situations where the songs’ lyrics and theme don’t apply with what happening on screen, and somehow everything making sense in the end.  Somehow Hail Atlantis is the perfect song for beating the life out of Billy Bats, I can’t imagine another in its place.


Whacking Billy Bats.


Henry’s Coked-up Helicopter Freakout.

The Music of Queen will Bring Democracy to Iran

November 14th, 2009

Yeah, you heard it here first: The music of Queen will bring democracy to Iran.  After years of being one of the country’s most popular underground bootlegs, the government of Iran, which strictly censors western music, has allowed for the sales of Queen albums in the country.  Much of the reason for Queen’s popularity in Iran and the eventual relaxing of their forbidden status has much to do with Freddie Mercury’s Zoroastrian upbringing and Iranian ancestry.

The young Farrokh Bulsara was born in Zanzibar to Parsi parents.  The Parsis are a group of Zoroastrians from Iran that predominately migrated to India once religious persecution from Muslims began.  Freddie attended school near Bombay in India, and eventually lived his life in England after his family fled from Zanzibar in the 60s.

Expect this statue erected in Tehran upon the success of the revolution.

Expect this statue erected in Tehran upon the success of the revolution.

Of course the ironic fact of Iran allowing the sales of Queen albums is that a government trying to stifle the decadence of western civilization by preventing their countrymen from its exposure allow the sales of albums from one of history’s most decadent bands.  This brings to realization a not so well known fact: Iranians love to party.

Away from the prying eyes in the streets a thriving counterculture exists behind closed doors.  Burkas fall to the floor and gorgeous, olive-skinned women emerge while drugs and liquor are plentiful.  Iranians party as hard as any American, maybe even a little harder since they party in protest.

And it’s not about the partying, it’s about having the right to party or make your life how you see fit.  Evident in the Green Revolution where thousands of protesters emerged from closed doors and took to the streets to tell the government the time had come for their voices to be heard.  Unfortunately a fearful and paranoid Iranian government retaliated in truly godless, deplorable ways (These accounts are extremely graphic: Iranian Imam – Islam allows torture, raping prisonersanother account of Iranian prison tacticsa CNN video about Neda Agha Soltan).

A government can only stifle its people for so long.  Someday the Green Revolution will overtake the Ayatollah and I have a feeling Queen may be the soundtrack to the revolution.  Don’t think it such a ridiculous theory.  20 years ago the Berlin Wall fell, and David Hasselhoff, of all people, provided the soundtrack.  Whoever provides the soundtrack I wish the most success for the people of Iran to have the opportunities and freedom to live their lives without oppression.

EEEEEasy Livin’

November 10th, 2009

I’ve lived to see yet another Two for Tuesday, happy-happy.  They threw a curveball at me today with a double shot of Uriah Heep while cruising to work.  Uriah Heep is very DeepPurplesque and therefore amazing.  Q95 is smart enough to ease into this exhibition by playing Stealin’ first.  I mean, lets be reasonable.  Can you imagine the car wrecks caused if Q95 just jumped right into this madness with Easy Livin’ (all Uriah Heep songs must end with an apostrophe).

Ultimately I think the order of how they played the songs was irrelevant.  I blew through a school zone doing a cool 85 during Easy Livin’ and some punkass cop caught me.  I pulled over.  When I saw the cop come out of his car, I’ve never seen a man angrier, like I’d ran over his dog or something.  He pounded on my window demanding I roll it down with emphatic gesticulations.  As you wish, officer.  Once I rolled those windows down that cop got knocked backwards with some Easy Livin’ blasting out of my car like a neutron bomb – put his lights out.

I don’t know what the laws are on assaulting an officer with Uriah Heep, but I didn’t stick around to find out.

When I close my eyes, this is what I see.

The Freebird Creeper

October 26th, 2009

T’is the season for horror stories, and nothing sends me into a panic like a creeping Freebird.  Classic rock is great, but there are a few songs so ubiquitous and overplayed that even though they are universally celebrated I must switch the station when they come on.

Freebird attacks you in a very unassuming way like the little compsognathus dinosaurs in Jurassic Park that bite with a numbing venom and devour their pray without the pray noticing.  The euphoric introduction to the song lulls you into a sense of comfort, and if you are not immediately paying attention, you will not notice you are entering the Freebird trap for the next ten minutes.

Since Freebird is so ubiquitous, everyone knows the song – all the words and everything.  Its almost instinctual to know Freebird at this point in human history.  After listening to the beginning of the song you’re already in the Freebird stupor, and don’t even realize you’re singing the first lines.

“Eh-if I-hiiiiiiiiii leeeeeeeeave here to-mooooooooooooorooooooooooooooooow.”

It is not uncommon in most Freebird Creeps to sing the entire lyrical portion of the song.  You don’t realize you’re singing Freebird until you actually sing:

“Won’t you flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, freeeeeeeeeeeeeeebiiiiiiiird.  Holy shit!  It’s Freebird!”

Then you begin to hastily scurry through the cars radio stations because you’re embarassed you’ve been Freebird Creeped once again.  The problem is, once again, the ubiquity of the song and the fact that every other radio station is playing Freebird at a different part of the epic ten minutes, even the rap stations.  The only way out is tuning to NPR, where they are probably having an in depth intellectual discussion about Freebird.

Two for Tuesday Troubles

October 20th, 2009

First off, happy Two for Tuesday.  I am always greatful that Q95 provides this wonderful service for one of the more meaningless days of the week.  Whether it was inspiration or alliteration, maybe even both, Tuesdays have special meaning because of Two for Tuesday.

I’m driving into work this morning when the radio starts playing a Lynard Skynard song.  Skynard songs are so ubiquitous and entrenched into commercial soundtracks that when you hear their songs on the radio you barely notice.  Knowing it was Two for Tuesday I was anticipating what they would play next.  The two Skynard songs I like are “Three Steps” and “Mr. Saturday Night Special”, which is rarely played.  When the song ended, Q95 went right into a new Skynard song, which of course was awful.

Luckily it wasn’t the song about how terrible people were who didn’t agree with George W. Bush.  The new song was about how much they used to rock and all they stuff they used to sing songs about.  What’s the point?  You already sang songs about the Southland.  You don’t need to write a song about how you used to write songs about the Southland.

Of course they don’t, and of course it’s old band paycheck rock.  You could tell by their new sound, which is Nickelback-esque, that incredibly generic sound all the most popular modern rock bands use.  The sound of paycheck rock.

And since the music in the new song sounds like Nickelback, and it’s new, it’s not classic rock!  It’s a new song performed by an old band, and should not be on the classic rock station.  A rock song has to age around 15 years before it is classic rock.  An old band shouldn’t get grandfathered into a rotation because they had some good tunes back in the day, especially if they have nothing better to sing songs about than the songs they used to sing.  Come on!

Another Two for Tuesday incident happened last night when I was driving home.  As I’ve mentioned before and will continue to mention, I am no expert on classic rock and will never pretend to know everything about it.  I’m just an enthusiastic fan.  With that said, I have never been able to tell the difference between Journey and Foreigner.  Last night they had a Two for Tuesday with Journey and Foreigner together, four songs without interruption, and I have no idea who started or ended it.  There will be future blogs about both Synard and JourneyForeigner to come.

Deep Purple

October 11th, 2009

Deep Purple is the greatest rock band ever.  Never mind what I said in the last post; the Beatles are the default greatest band ever, but Deep Purple walks the fucking walk.  What did the Beatles ever say, “All you need is love?”  Are we that naive?  What if someone asked you, no, told you “Let’s go Space Truckin!’”  You’re getting in that truck.

Deep Purple came around that time in rock when things were starting to get stupid.  The politics and spirituality of the Sixties was coming to an end, but the party would not stop.  Deep Purple carried that torch into the next decade.

Both Deep Purple and Led Zeppelin were gaining attention around the same time in the late Sixties, and both have a similar chunky blues derivative about them.  Led Zeppelin veered off into a world of increasing complexities and Hobbits; the Viking hordes attacking the soft fields so green and moving through Kashmir.  While Led Zeppelin floated in the clouds Deep Purple was in your basement, packing your bong and lighting your black light posters.

Deep Purple beat you over the face with rock with lumbering visceral sounds that seemed to bubble from the belly of Satan and rattle your eardrums into submission.  They hold the Guinness record for “The Loudest Band”.  They never gave that shit to Motley Crue.

When my psychiatrist gave me a word association test the other day, one of the things he said was “classic rock”.  Even if I were responding beyond a subconscious state, I would have responded Deep Purple.  The psychiatrist was taken aback, like I had so many other bands to choose from.  How could I associate all of classic rock with Deep Purple?  The real question is, how can you not?

Classic rock in it purest form started in the Seventies where the venues got bigger, the speakers got louder, and everyone in the band had long hair, beards, and performed with their shirts open.  All the other bands of this golden era of classic rock had a gimmick or theme that drove the band.  Not Deep Purple.  If you stripped any of the golden era classic rock bands down to their basics, they would be Deep Purple.  That is why Deep Purple is the greatest classic rock band.

That, and because they rock.

Beatles Backlash

October 4th, 2009

The video game Rock Band released their Beatles volume about a month ago.  Everyone went nuts over the release of the video game.  Classic rock radio stations were dedicating days exclusive to the Beatles catalog with the DJs falling over themselves in the way they were lauding the music.  They never got that excited over Molly Hatchet.  VH1 started showing Beatles videos, but they weren’t actual videos, they were clips of the Rock Band video games.

Some New York myopic master craftsman of bloviation even declared Rock Band:Beatles to be the “most important video game ever.”  Fist of all, this guy probably never beat Super Mario Bros. and shouldn’t even get to talk about video games until he does.  And second…really?  Is jamming out Helter Skelter on a toy guitar going to open my eyes to life’s possibilities for the first time?  The basis for his title was the camaraderie and bridging of the generations the game would create.  The Wii already did that, taking videogames out of the basement and into the living room.  If mom wasn’t playing Wii, or any of the ten other Guitar Hero or Rock Band games out there, she’s not going to change her mind with this edition.

What makes the Beatles so great?  What makes them better than the Rolling Stones or the Kinks, both of which their contemporaries and still performing?  Pink Floyd, Velvet Underground, even the Beach Boys who were involved in a rivalry with the Beatles were experimenting and pushing the boundaries of rock and roll.  The debate never arises, like there are three certainties to life: death, taxes, and the Beatles are the greatest rock band ever.

The Beatles are credited for being the voice of their generation.  John Lennon is revered by many, even beyond Baby Boomers, as some mystical and spiritual institution.  People hang off his words and ideas like they have any more philosophical and spiritual meaning than Peter Noone’s.  Love, love, love wasn’t a two way street.  Lennon was a documented misogynist.  After all, this is the guy who wrote Norwegian Wood, a song about buring down some lady’s house because she wouldn’t sleep with him.  Paul McCartney is considered the asshole Beatle since he wanted to take what was so pure, magical and creative as the Beatles’ music and capitalize its lucrative potential to the max.  That drove the rift between John and Paul.  Selling records isn’t cool, and by that rational Ringo is by far the coolest Beatle.

Initially I blame the Baby Boomers for holding the Beatles in their lofty position in rock history.  Baby Boomers are convinced everything they ever did is the most important thing the world has ever seen.  Their ideas were infallible, their culture was absolute utopia, and their music was truly peerless; no other band shall ever approach the brilliance the bands of the 60s achieved.  I blame the Baby Boomers for a great many other things, like the ruinous state of the world.  We now see few of the radical ideas of the Baby Boomers ever changed the world.  We’ve moved on, except for the music, which even contemporary music publications linger the standard bands of the Sixties as the apex of music.

Ultimately, the Beatles were a perfect storm of a band, probably never to be repeated in the predictable future of music.  Their pop hits and friendly charm in the early Sixties built a base of loyal teenie-boppers (The damn New Kids on the Block are on a successful tour right now).  Plus with such a narrow and yet to be fragmented range of popular music at the time more people defaulted to liking the Beatles with the limited other options.  Then when all music went psychedelic, so did the Beatles, and so went their fanbase for the ride.  All of a sudden the teenie-boppers are all Hari Krishnahs and the Beatles are the greatest band ever for their creative daring, even though every other band was doing similar things.

Rock more or less peaked in the Sixties.  Though it hasn’t become less popular per se, rock’s diversity began to grow and splinter into different categories as did the rest of popular music.  Music has splintered into exponential categories and subcategories that appeal to their certain niche and never gather as substantial an audience as the Beatles enjoyed in the Sixties.  All that, and they made pretty good music too.

There is no good way to write about the Beatles.  If you fawn all over them you sound like everyone else in the world.  But if you critique the Beatles you’re that guy, that contrarian who’s just being a jagg trying to get a rise out of people cuz everyone loves the Beatles.   I’ve come to the conclusion that the Beatles will be the greatest band in the history of music for at least the next twenty years.  By then maybe there will be a consolidation of media as more companies buy other companies offering less options for receiving information.  Until then, the Beatles are the greatest rock and roll band ever.  Second best, Deep Purple.

Is this Rock and Roll?

September 7th, 2009

I don’t know.  I hear a 10-piece orchestra – yeah, there’s the bassoon.  It seems like the song is gaining tempo like a borello; and did it just switch to a 6/8 rhythm.  And are these lyrics about circus clowns or something?  Is this rock and roll?  Oh wait, there’s the electric guitar.  It’s rock and roll.

Throughout its history, rock and roll has shared the same evolutionary and genetic traits as dogs.  It started as a dangerous wild wolf prowling the land and stalking your daughter.  Now some species of rock are like a yapping Pomeranian sitting in a rich lady’s purse, yet it’s still unanimously called rock and roll.

Here are some simple ways to classify a song rock and roll.  The simplest classification for rock and roll music is if the song contains electric guitars, unless it’s country, blues, gospel, or jazz music…or some kinds of rap music.  The you need to listen to the lyrics.  Still, it gets a little tricky but I have constructed a helpful chart for clarifications.

Baby – Rock, country, blues, jazz, rap

Bitch – Rock, rap, some blues

Devil – Rock, country, blues, jazz, gospel

Number of the Beast – Rock

Space Truckin’ – Rock or maybe if a country musician had some LSD

Another helpful tip is to think regionally or where you grew up and your favorite song.  If you grew up in the suburbs, your favorite song is a rock song.  Now recall this favorite song against a song you question is rock or not.  If you grew up in the city, a farm, or a jazz club, your favorite song is not rock, and you will have to repeat the first two steps.

If you have special techniques the designate whether a song is rock or not, feel free to comment.